I combine therapy for healing the injuries to trust within a couple, with coaching on the principals, values, and skills, it takes to enjoy a loving relationship.
Sexuality & Couples Work
It is my view that sexual interaction is a natural arena for developing the attunement, responsiveness, sharing, communication, and skills fundamental to trust, well-being, and growth within the couple relationship. It is also a door to deepening spiritually.
Many couples treat sex as dichotomous to their emotional intimacy or ease in functioning. They spend little time on cultivating a rich sexual intimacy, and place little value on doing so. They suffer from feeling there is only tension between them, and little sense of playfulness or being close friends, but do not make the connection with their low value on intimacy/in-to-me-see.
When you take a vow to be someone’s lover, it is both sacred, and a course in developing what it takes to bring the other to a place of trust, ease, playfulness, and coming forth from his/her depths. There is no dichotomy in that capacity, i.e. it is the same capacity in the bedroom as outside of it. The sexual moments are an important classroom, the Phd course, in cultivating that capacity. For it is in the sexual moments, that all other distractions are put aside and the entire focus of one’s attention is on what it takes to allow the other to feel held in Love.
The Passion Invitation’ is a good litmus test of where you are sexually. Try it on in your heart. What comes up? If there’s a swoon feeling: mmmm yes that’s how we are, then you’re cultivating intimacy sexually that will be there for you in facing the broader challenges. Do not despair if instead ‘objections’ come up. The ‘objections’ that come up are the veils that need to be met with. The meeting with your veils, (self-consciousness, tiredness, resentment, shame, insecurities, trust issues, etc) the working through of your obstacles to letting go, is the development of trust that is the journey of intimacy and becomingness.
Through touch and whispers, how do I bring you to the place where you feel whole, safe, seen, adored, and desired?
Only through being willing to let go into the place where I feel whole, safe, seen, adored, and desired, and risk expressing my love and desire of you.
You know where your softness lies. Share with me the veils that hide it. I will kiss them tenderly, seeing your beauty through your veil, and happy to hold you veiled.
And if in being held, a veil falls away, my heart will open to meet you more deeply in yours, and so together we dance into each other’s depths and rapture.